Balancing Life With Chronic Migraines - Walk the Line

I got up feeling pretty decent this morning. My pain level's at a 2 or 3 (out of 10) and despite some grogginess I am looking forward to doing some fun things. My husband's taking a 1/2 day off and so this afternoon we're going to see the Ming Dynasty exhibit at the art museum and then to see the New Star Trek movie (yes, we're both trekkies lol). I'm determined to be able to hold out all through the walking it will take to go to the art museum. My physical therapist warned me to only get 5 minutes of exercise at a time, and that's low-impact stuff like walking. An excuse for a piggy-back ride from the hubbs? :D Then tomorrow we're going to be gaming for hours with my brother who lives with my parents right now. I'm a bit leery of all the activity, but I miss my son terribly, who has been with my mother all week while I had a string of doctor's appointments etc. I almost went and picked him up yesterday on my own, but the headache and new medication kept me from making the hour and 1/2 drive. 

My son is 15 months old. He's so very adorable, and thankfully, a mostly easy baby.  God knows what we can handle right? lol. But I'm constantly flooded with guilt about not being able to play with him as much as I should, and not reading to him as regularly as I was. The last couple of months have been daily headaches (no day without one) so I feel like I've neglected him. *Sigh* Poor kid...he doesn't understand what a migraine is. But my mom has been lots of help despite the drive she has to make, and my husband comes home from work and pretty much takes over for me. 

So what I constantly struggle with is walking the line between giving up on life and pushing myself with too much activity. It's a finer line than you might think. And it moves from day to day. I'm bored. I'm tired. I'm in pain. Despite the fatigue and pain I have to find things to do...and I need to accomplish something sometimes. Otherwise it's very hard to fight depression. And I need/want to spend time with my family. I need to keep the house clean (you may laugh at that but a messy house stresses me out and aggravates the headaches...I'm not demanding perfection) and food on the table. I need to keep in touch with friends and family (It's easy to slip through the cracks when you're at home all the time and not around people). I need spiritual nourishment. And I want to serve other people. 

But balance is hard. How much should I push myself? A bit more pain is an acceptable sacrifice in order to live I think. But how much is hard to know. 

A few things I've learned:

• How to say no to commitments
• How to make tentative plans and be ready for them to fall through
• How to thicken my skin when people scoff at hearing I can't handle something b/c I have a headache or b/c it will lead to a headache
• I am human, I do have limits
• Sometimes enjoyment of something is worth the extra pain
• You need support of people who understand what you're going through, or who want to try to understand
• Idleness leads to depression - you must find something you can do, even if it's small.

I'll leave you with this short post I found helpful: Balance is Overrated: Choosing Fun Despite Knowing Vengeful Migraine Imminent